I don’t understand what prioritizing God means to be honest. So the best way I found to model and picture it is by first starting off what prioritizing my girlfriend meant. Because I do prioritize my girlfriend I have a sense of what activities or intentions may be involved in prioritizing.
So for my girlfriend when I say I prioritize her I meant that when she calls me I will pick up 90% of all times and 100% of all possible chances. When she is going through something bad I will be there as much as I can. If she and atanother friend asked me to hangout separatelt with them at the same time, I will choose to hangout with her 100% of the time. I will purposely free my day up just so I can make time to hangout and talk to her so I can catch up on her day and on her state so I can adjust myself to what to be for her or do for her. When I prioritize her, all my ecstatic or depressing moods and emotions are brought to her and I try to confide in her and create that emotional security with her than anyone else.
I will try to do all things possible in a way it would make her happy or grow. When I prioritize her I put all efforts into her and everyone else gets what’s left from that. When I prioritize her, breaking up or arguing with her isn’t my first step or thought, I tend to look back at me or outwards and try to find that space where we can make peace. When I prioritize her it means I’m committed to her in my time, energy, emotions and actions.
Now all that is a testament of what I am NOT to God. In other words all of that can be rephrased as I don’t prioritize God that he gets what’s left of the time I gave to her and everyone else, I don’t prioritize him that I don’t purposely create time to be with him, I don’t prioritize him that all deeper level of emotions and thoughts are NOT experienced with him, I don’t prioritize God that I do not put efforts into my relationship with him. I don’t prioritize him so much that I easily look at the exit of the relationship when I sin or mess up. Because he’s not my priority quitting him is easy. I haven’t spent effort nor time nor sacrificed things to pursue him that it’s simple to abandon him. Generally I don’t prioritize him that my time, energy, emotions and actions aren’t committed to him nor are in guidance to his feelings.
[ I’m sorry God! I know you’re reading this as you are teaching me but I’m sorry honestly. You deserve to be prioritized but I guess I don’t know why you aren’t what I wanted to prioritize. ]
I don’t know why I should prioritize God. Ofcourse there’s the general knowledge of that he sacrificed his one and only son for a my sins, and that while we were still sinners he loved us. But I guess that’s any reason anyone would love him. The same way anyone would love my girlfriend cause she’s beautiful, nice, good, polite, kind, smart, attractive, stylish, fun, loving and caring. But that’s not what made me prioritize her, the reason I prioritize her is cause I am in this relationship I respect. And I want the relationship to succeed and be as good as possible. But most of all I prioritize her cause she has personally been there for me at some important points of my life. It’s the personally tailored activities that formed the base of my committed relationship with her.
And those activities happened because I pursued her and spent time with her and allowed her to be there for me at those moments. SOMETHING I DIDN’T DO WITH GOD. Tho I have denied him access to those moments, he has persisted and was there for me. I had personally tailored experiences with God. The problem is that I was blinded to it or I just don’t want it to be with him. I don’t know why. And to this day I just only know that I should prioritize him but I don’t know that personal reason that made me fall for it with all my heart.